Hey chat

 Is this blogging


lalalalala


come blog with me twin

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So I'm starting a blog

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Which I've been talking about for months now. Why does it take so long for me to start something new? why does it take so long? Largely because I don't want to start something that'll prove I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Starting means the beginning of a death to a perfect idea that exists only in my head. Once I write it down, it becomes real, and reality has a habit of being disappointing. In a way this is my exposure therapy. But if there's a largely there's also a marginally. It's marginally because... It's kind of weird to use the word marginally here no? maybe it's because that's how we feel about the marginalized. Taught systemic oppression bleeding into syntax. Language isn't neutral. Maybe I haven't started a blog because deep down I believe the things I want to say will only matter if they're perfect. But perfection is sterile. It's violence against becoming. I'd rather be messy and alive. Which is to say... ma...
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Second chances are not yet for me

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  Was I planning on doing anything during the week in Korea? No, not much besides the concert. What did I end up doing? Literally everything I can think of. Someone asked me why I haven’t been posting and actually, I have. I’ve been writing, at least. I just took them down or didn't post them at all. Somewhere inside me, there’s always this suspicion that my emotions are too shallow and too early and I’m terrified of naming them too soon. It feels like it will cheapen them. This is literally how I feel like you guys will act when I post.  I know I already talked about this blog being an exposure therapy, but it’s not working because no one’s forcing me to post. Now I'm just writing all ts alone and bottling my thoughts again–except I came back! Watch me this time. I won’t fail myself.  Let’s start with the concert. I was very ready for firebird. I imagined every suite arrangement, bought a record player to watch the ballet in full. Got it connected and all. Rite of Spring...
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